By Lissa Qualls
Communication is the foundation of every relationship—personal and professional. Without it, trust erodes, assumptions grow, and eventually connection breaks down. In business, poor communication costs money. It costs staff. It costs clients. And it often costs opportunities that never come back.
But communication isn’t just about talking. Real communication is a two-way street. It requires being open to hear what the other person is saying, and being willing to share honestly without becoming confrontational. It’s about talking with someone, not at someone.
And that difference changes everything.
Too often, what I see in leadership meetings, workplace conversations, and even personal relationships is not true communication at all—it’s two monologues happening simultaneously. One person is explaining what they believe and why they’re right, while the other person is simply waiting for a pause so they can respond with what they believe and why they’re right.
That isn’t communication. That’s competition.
True communication requires presence. It requires a willingness to listen, not just to respond. And it requires enough humility to realize we may not have the full picture.
Talking At People vs Talking With People
One of the easiest places to see this play out is in a leadership meeting. Leaders often come into meetings with strong opinions, clear direction, and the desire to be heard. And there’s nothing wrong with having answers. The problem happens when we enter the room believing we already know everything we need to know.
When we walk into a meeting focused only on getting our point across, we stop hearing the people around us. We start talking at them instead of with them. And before long, the meeting becomes a battleground of competing perspectives rather than a collaborative space for progress.
Talking with someone is a give-and-take. It means being open to hear what others have to say. It means asking questions. It means seeking clarity instead of assuming intent. It means showing up with the goal of understanding, not just winning.
Presence Is the Beginning of Good Communication
At the end of the day, good communication begins with presence. If we are not truly present in a conversation, we are not communicating—we are performing.
Being present means listening to the person across from you. Not listening while multitasking. Not listening while preparing your response. Not listening while deciding how you’ll defend your position.
It means listening to understand.
And it also means being willing to communicate in a way the other person can hear. We all have different communication styles, and if we want to build strong relationships—especially in business—we have to be aware of how our words, tone, and delivery affect the people around us.
Sometimes it isn’t what we say that causes damage. It’s how we say it.
The Power of Discomfort
One of the biggest reasons communication breaks down is because we avoid discomfort.
In many conversations, we hear something that troubles us. It doesn’t sit right, but instead of addressing it, we assume we understand what the other person meant. We tell ourselves, “I know what they meant by that,” and we move on.
But the truth is, we don’t always know.
Avoiding discomfort creates confusion. Confusion creates resentment. And resentment destroys trust.
There are moments in leadership and in life when we have to be willing to sit in that uncomfortable space and ask a clarifying question. We have to be willing to say something like, “This is what I heard you say—am I understanding that correctly?”
Or we may need to address a behavior that isn’t appropriate. Instead of letting it go, we have to be willing to say, “In our meeting today, you did X, Y, and Z, and I wanted to bring it up because that’s not something we encourage on our team.”
Those conversations can be uncomfortable, but they are necessary. Because clarity is far more productive than silence.
The Cost of Poor Communication
When communication breaks down, we lose trust. If we can’t be open with the person across from us and have honest conversations to reach understanding, we find ourselves emotionally spent.
In business, the cost is even greater. Poor communication can lead to losing clients. It can lead to losing staff. It can lead to workplace tension and culture problems that drain productivity and morale. And all of that costs money.
Relationally, the cost is just as painful. Relationships that matter to us can fade away simply because we didn’t know how to talk through conflict or ask the hard questions.
And culturally, when communication is broken across the board, we lose the ability to understand people with different perspectives. We become closed off, defensive, and divided.
Communication Can Change Everything
I’ve worked with many people who find themselves in a position where they have to improve their communication skills for their employment. In some cases, they are told clearly that if things don’t change, they may lose their job.
I remember working with a woman who was excellent in outside sales. The company loved her results. She was one of the strongest external salespeople they had. But internally, no one could work with her. It was nearly impossible. The tension was so high that her position was at risk, even though she was incredibly talented.
Over time, as we worked together, she learned how to communicate more effectively—how to show up, how to listen, how to hear others, and how to represent herself in a way that built trust rather than conflict.
Not only did she keep her job, but she was eventually promoted and given a department of her own to oversee.
That is the power of good communication.
A Standard Before You Speak
One of the simplest tools I encourage people to use is this: before you say something, pause and ask yourself:
If that were said to me, how would I hear it? How would I interpret it? How would I feel?
That small moment of reflection can prevent unnecessary conflict and help us communicate with clarity and respect.
Because communication isn’t about being right. It’s about being understood—and understanding others.
At the end of the day, good communication is about being present, listening well, and sharing what we think and feel in a non-confrontational way. It’s about building trust through honesty, clarity, and courage.
And when we stop avoiding hard conversations, we create relationships—both personal and professional—that are strong enough to last.
About Lissa Qualls
CLARITY Coaching founder Lissa Qualls is a Master Certified Coach (MCC) through the International Coaching Federation who works with C-suite executives and global leaders through one-on-one coaching and immersive workshops. Drawing on decades of cross-cultural leadership experience, she helps leaders find their authentic voice, tap into their strengths, and build trust-driven teams that communicate clearly and perform at a higher level.